Yesterday I had a bit of a breakdown. Actually, I suppose it was not “a bit” of a breakdown, it was actually a pretty big moment of feeling woefully inadequate and very insecure.
Ever have days like that? {Please, even if you don’t, could you please act like you do??}
Lately it seems as though I can’t find a direction, can’t find focus … and while I have several exciting opportunities and projects working in the background, I just feel like sort of a failure.
I shared my pity party with a friend who offered wise counsel. But I just couldn’t shake the feelings of insecurity and lack of purpose and direction.
When I sat down to write my monthly post for Do Not Depart (which you should definitely pop over and read!), it hit me! I’ve slowly lost my focus. Instead of gaining my perspective from time spent in the Word, I was comparing myself to others. Instead of relying on the Lord to direct my paths, I was jumping into a race I was not created to run. Instead of trusting my identity to Him, I was busy trying to figure out who I wanted to be.
I’d lost focus … actually, I’ve lost focus. My perspective is all wrong.
As I look at the calendar for the next two weeks, I see my time is stretched and more limited than normal, I realize something has to give. I’ve got three major writing projects – including a requested book proposal – that need my attention. I’ve got a house that desperately needs some serious spring cleaning. I’ve got a daughter who still wants to spend time with me. I’ve got an exchange student who will be going home in less than three months.
It’s Lent … the time for sacrifice, for letting go, for reassessing, for refocusing. And I, more than anyone I know right now, need some refocusing. So, I’ll be on a bit of a hiatus for the next two or three weeks. I’m sure there will be a few posts here and there … because I can’t imagine just not writing here.
I appreciate your understanding … and your prayers as I seek the Lord’s direction in several areas of my life right now.
How do you struggle with focus in your life? What ways have you used to regain your perspective?
i’m proud of, happy for, and will be praying for you.
Thank you, Amanda. 🙂
I am saying a special prayer for you my friend. I love and miss you so very much!
Thank you, Val. I miss you too … wish you were here. Much love.
Hang in there, Sweetie! Sending lots of love down the road!
I suppose I need someone to tell me what I should be when I grow up also … 🙂
Maybe we’ll find out together? Look for a day down the road that we can put on our calendars IN INK to spend some time together…just you and me. We can get pedicures and eat cupcakes or even petit fours 🙂 I love you!
I am almost 60 years old and still wonder sometimes what I’m going to be when I “grow up.” I don’t know you in person, but I really appreciate the wisdom you show in your blog. Take some time and take care of yourself and your family. All this other stuff will wait for you. 🙂
Thank you, Debbie. Your words today have been balm to my heart … thank you.
Have you read Jon Acuff’s book yet friend? It really ministered to me and helped me to re-gain some precious perspective. I’m right there with you 🙂 Praying for you!
I haven’t read it yet … but it is on my list of things to do next week after this election! 🙂 Glad to know I’m in good company!!
Yes, yes, yes. Whether other women admit it or not, we all have these times of craziness. I can’t remember who spoke the word “season” into my crazy life, but there are seasons we go through. Obviously this is a season of refocusing. You have a season of working full-time for a tool that will absolutely make your writing and ministry life better. But until then, it’s gonna be a bit crazy.
As for the insecurity. Hello. Have we met??? But today I have more confidence, and so I can say to you: Snap out of it! (ha, just kidding!)
It is absolutely okay to step away from the computer every once in a while for things like cleaning your home, nurturing your family, writing what God has laid on your heart.
I love you. All will be well. And in the wise words of Dory from Finding Nemo, “Just keep swimmin’, just keep swimmin,’ Just keep swimmin’ swimmin’ swimmin…”
Pattie, where would I be without you? Seriously … there just are not words for how precious our friendship is in my life. You are sheer gift to me!!
Okay so I said pretty much the same thing yesterday. My word was “disconnected”.
I’ll be praying for you friend.
Stacey recently posted…Lately
You know what, Stacey, I read your post and could relate to every word. Oddly, though, once I hit publish on my post this morning, I have felt freedom to write … the pad beside me is full of scribbled out thoughts and scratched down ideas. I think, for me, I just needed to give myself permission not to write on my blog. Does that make any sense??
Ya know its so interesting. I saw ‘fake Teri Lynne’ in Walmart yesterday… granted I’ve only ever seen pictures of you but still it looked enough like those pictures that I did a double take and almost turned around… you were on my mind and I prayed for you off and on the rest of the afternoon. Praying the Lord uses this time to bring you back into focus and gives you rest in Him. 🙂
Stephanie, that is hilarious!! I needed that laugh today. Thank you. I miss you … we need to just schedule a chat sometime.
You have no idea how much I get this. *Seriously.*
It sounds like we need to skype asap!
We do need a good skype chat … soon. I miss you.
I’m in the same spot. This morning I sat before the Lord and presented an empty plate (in my mind) to Him asking what stays and what goes in my life. I’m so tired of moving from unfocused task to unfocused task. I want to really “live” again.
Today I’m working on a massive de-cluttering of online and business stuff so I can focus on what is truly important and get rid of the fluff and distractions. The truth for me is simply this: I prefer real life to all the imitations of real life. So it’s back to basics on a lot of online stuff and more intention and energy going to the real stuff in my life.
Thanks for sharing so candidly. I would never have dreamed you went through the same types of things.
Oh Bonita! I think this seems to be a season of waiting on the Lord for many of us. I shall be praying for you, my friend.