28 Days, 28 Ways: Be Available

Welcome to 28 Days, 28 Ways: Investing in Your Marriage! All month long I’ll be sharing ideas and tips for investing in your marriage.  You can find a list of all the posts here.

You knew it was coming. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t written about it before. Sex. The topic we tend to run from in our little church circles. But see, here’s the thing, we can’t ignore it and hope it will go away. {Seriously! I’m sure I’m not the only one who has tried!!} God created us with physical desires and needs. He intended us to engage in sexual intimacy with our husbands. That was and is His plan.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

One flesh isn’t just  a metaphor for the binding of hearts and souls in marriage, it’s also a picture of the physical union between husband and wife.  And it is good … very good!

I know there are a thousand reasons why sex gets pushed to the side in marriage … and I realize that there are seasons when physical intimacy with our husbands feels more than a burden than a blessing. But here’s the deal — sex isn’t optional in marriage. Paul speaks to the significance of regular physical intimacy

But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.  the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5

We’ve all heard the verses, read the verses, and maybe even resented the verses. The bottom line remains, sex is a vital part of a healthy, godly marriage. Sex is not ours to offer as a reward for or withhold as a punishment from our husbands nor is sex his to demand of us … it is a deeply spiritual and intimate acknowledgement of our covenant love for one another.

But if we’re really and truly honest, the fact is, for most of us, it’s not that we don’t want physical intimacy with our husbands. It’s not that we don’t find him attractive. It’s not that we want to open the door for other temptations in his life or ours. It’s not that we’re selfish.

I’d guess for many woman the struggle is often rooted in insecurity. We look around us and see airbrushed and photoshopped images of what a “sexy” woman is … and then we get out of the shower every day and are faced with the glaring reality that we’re not that. We see those stretch marks and sagging breasts and the belly that never got back to its pre-pregnancy flatness. We see the gray hairs and the wrinkles. We see what’s wrong with us. But he doesn’t!

Ladies, friends, y’all — your husband loves you and he’s looking at you and seeing the woman who bore his children, who has helped him build a life, who walks with him in the hard times, and who celebrates with him in the good times. He looks at your body and sees all the sacrifices you’ve made to build a family with him. He looks at your eyes and face and recalls all the laughter and the way you looked the day you got married.

He wants to touch you and hold you and feel you close to him. He needs that … and whether you admit if or not, you need it too. Being physically available to your husband isn’t about feeling desirable or attractive — being physically available to your husband is about trusting his love for you is more than skin deep. 

Will you choose to trust that love?

Cheering you on,
TL

{P.S. If you are in or have been in an abusive situation, please know there is help for you. Contact your pastor or a trusted friend to guide you to resources available in your area.  And if sexual relations are physically painful, please make an appointment with your physician. There are legitimate medical issues that can cause pain during sex and I urge you to seek treatment.}

Recommended Reading [affiliate links]

• Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy by Gary Thomas
• Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands by Gary Thomas
• Love to Stay: Sex, Grace, and Commitment by Adam Hamilton {my review}
• For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Gary Thomas
• The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun) by Sheila Wray Gregoire